i miss him. i miss him everyday. some more than others. i know i shouldn't but i do. i had my fun going out and dancing and doing my thing but now that i see that isn't for me i just hang out at home, the bad part about it is everytime i do i realize how i miss doing nothing with him.
or when we hang out. i wish i would have done it sooner. so much fun. would be even better if we were together.


i've learned my lesson, i have trust now, and i don't take love for granted. none of this means anything. none of it is going to pay off.

i finally put in an app for elac. i'm sure the haters will be surprised i can live my own life. i'm looking into fashion merchandising, interior design, public relations, and if all else fails, i always have bryman! i just want to make it rain. i'm surprised mark wasn't so negative about what i want. he's really supportive of all of that, even if careers like that don't work out sometimes.

today i went with vee down la brea and melrose. i can't wait to get paid. such cute vintage shops & random stores full of nothing. i want to shop at the new marc by marc jacobs store. i never knew there was a big urban there too. i want more hours at work!

on the subject of work, i don't know if it's just me, but i feel really awkward being there now. i can't stand it anymore. i'm trying to look for a better job with decent hours and something i know i can move up in. there's not really any other positions at supercuts it's just receptionist and stylist. hmm, i should save up for a car soon too.

knotts this friday? i hope not.

last night i went to marks cousins graduation party. met awkward white girls that think they're black. joined in on a conversation about sex with his grandma, mom, and aunt. hung out with mark and josh. felt really old because i don't drink or party anymore. went to gravity hill and the haunted forest with mark, josh, and nicole. old memories. freaked out. ate mc donalds then sleep.

do you ever miss somebody you probably won't ever talk to again? i do. i miss conversations.

i want to quit my job.

How well do you know your next-door neighbors?


not very well. sometimes i like to watch my neighbors through my window when i have nothing better to do. other people lead way more interesting lives than i do. i'm not sure whether i'm a creep or just an admirer. there's always these weird construction people next door named team vasquez. they've been working on the house for about 2 months and i'm not sure what they do because the house looks the same on the outside, with the exception of new windows. i always want to go over on their lunch break because their barbequed meat smells sooo good, but then i remember how creepy they are when i walk by and they ask me how my day is going, or when i'm locked out and they notice me right away and want to lend me their ladder to get to my window that they somehow know is unlocked. on the other side of me there's an old couple who live with their daughter and her boyfriend. he has a black truck with a license plate that says "g image" i always wonder what that means and hopefully one day i get the guts to ask him.

soooo tired of people who think they know what really goes on between mark & i and talk about it with other people and try to give their two cents, riiiiight.
i'm also tired of never having fun anymore. yeah, spending time with mark is always fun but i guess sometimes you just need girl friends to talk with or party with. i wish things were the way they used to be. gaygaygay.

i also need a new job. ughhh. i guess i won't be starting school until summer either. i'm way poor.
i really wish i was already going to school. i could be doing way more than i'm doing now. i know i'm capable of it, i just don't use anything to my full potential. way to feel sorry for myself. bye.

i had this written before but i wanted to post pictures as well.
2006 went something kinda like this.

i started off the year at brenes house with mark, brene, ashley, bob, marko, celisse, & whoever else was there. i'm still sad to this day that i missed the countdown.
school was nothing but a lot of gay until the semester was finally over and i had my lunch with nicole. that's when school got so good.
i met mark a little over a month before and completely fell for him.
the beginning of febuary was nothing but confusion, confusion, confusion! buttt, i had my first valentine! (lame, right?) but who cares i got flowers delivered by celisse hahah
mark asked me to be his girlfriend on febuary 19th and well we know how that ended up :)
march, april, & may were boring. the most imoportant stuff that happened was falling in love with mark, the fun times ditching with nicole & jill, seeing ima robot at sea level, & lets not forget seeing the hectors at the shop with celisse! ;)
i went to prom with mark & it was pretty much amazing. only because of my perfect dress and the perfect date! that night was the best and i won't ever forget it.
the last weeks of school were sad, really sad. i did nothing but think about how i missed most of high school and how much i regretted it. i guess you can't really live with regret though, plus i don't really see it as my fault why i was homeschooled. i was just grateful that my last year went so well and i met amazing people i'll never forget.
i finally graduated on june 22nd and it was the most amazing feeling ever. i honestly made not only myself, but my mom sooo proud. i guess all those drives every wednesday paid off :) i didn't think i was going to cry but after i did i realized the whole ceremony isn't all it's cracked up to be. it went by so fast. i also got the best graduation present that meant a wholeee lot because val actually remebered that i asked for a tiffany & co necklace a year before.
my summer was basically spent doing a whole lot of nothing, but it was the best because it was spent with mark. the 4th of july was good. i went to nicoles house and got crunk with her, andrew, & mark.
me, val, nicole, jill, monique, and chris went to the beach to have a bonfire for nicoles birthday and i finally had my first smore.
mark & i spent our six month anniversary at disneyland! i'll never forget that either.
i finally turned 18 in september. mark got me a tiffany & co ring then we went to dinner later on that night at the olive garden. i'll never forget that birthday cake, hahah.
early octoberish i got my first job at subway and quit 3 weeks later because of fugly scrags. i miss free subs.
the rest of october and early november was nothing, nothing, nothing! but! i did go to knotts scary farm for the first time with mark, nicole, & andrew and don't remember any of it because i was hiding under my sweater the entire time.
me & nicole went on an adventure on the bus to the roxy to see ima robot and almost got killed when i went on stage and lost my shoe.
i got a job at bath & body works and quit 3 days later, lawl. then i got a job at mervyns.
december was boring. i ditched work and i finally met all of marks family on christmas eve. it was worth it. christmas day kinda sucked. and my new years was good. also, i'm not working at mervyns anymore.

all in all 2006 was good and bad, but it was by far one of the best years ever. i think it was my favorite.
i kept 5 out of 7 resolutions from last year. this year i don't have many, just the following.
    ♥ go to school
    ♥ find a better job (that i actually like)
    ♥ get my license
    ♥ quit being so mean and fat

( 2006 )

too sad to be tired. don't make an effort to talk to me, trust me i won't make an effort to talk to you. sucks. guess people would rather be doing more important things than at least call to say hi.

i had togos today. felt weird eating it without my togos partner.

i actually kind of liked my job until yesterday. never have all girls working together. nothing but sassy little scrags. at least when we had the guys we all made effort to talk to eachother.
i didn't feel like working a lot this week but then i realized christmas is coming. totally regret it now. everybodys getting coal for christmas.

now i know why i don't write personal things in this journal anymore. nosey nosey people.

work was work. everybody gets along well. i like that. i spent most of my time talking about how fug the clothes are. for an hour i was folidng ridiculous looking horse tees & to make it worse they just piled and piled the glitter on those babies. in the end it looked like somebody dropped two tons of glitter on me. i had the worst anxiety by the end of the day, i couldn't even breathe. i work the same hours again today, cant wait!! yeah... right.

mc donlads is good.
so good.

randommm, i quit bath & body works and i work at mervyns now. my first day is friday from 3pm to midnight grrreat! i work the same hours on saturday too, maybe even sunday. at least nothings going on this weekend. i'm not missing out on much. i have orientation tomorrow at 10.
after the mervyns interview i went shopping. i'm broke again. hah. at least i finally got my id today.

why do exgirlfriends always pop up in mark&i's relationship? don't they know they don't have a chance anymore, get over it beettch!
speaking of mark, he's having thanksgiving with my family this year. weirrrd. usually my sisters always bring their boys over.
bye.

alreadyyy looking for a new job, only because i enjoy having 3 hours a week. the idea of having 90 people working in the same place isn't flyin with me.

got a new shirt today. exciting!

friday was ima robot. me and nicole took a bus adventure all the way to the roxy. it took a little over two hours but we saw interesting people & things on the way. got there two hours early and we were the first in line. saw alex, timmy, and andy. the most i did was smile at timmy though, buttt i did get a smile back. exciting! waited for val to come and went inside. the first band was alright, second was entertaining, whitestarr was really good, and ima robot sucked. actually, they were good as usual, the crowd was just stupid and annoying. me and val talked about how the old ima robot crowd was better because everybody just danced, no pits or slutty girls getting in your way. anyway, i ended up sitting on stage through half of it while nicole and val were getting killed on the floor right next to me. alex called everyone on stage & i almost lost my shoe and glasses. we somehow ended up in the back and left in the middle of the set. lameee. went to dennys and ate a club sandwich. so goood.

saturday was shop day. i wasn't planning on the drunkness but somehow it just happened. me, val & mark went walking because wasted was just around the corner. got there, drank, and had some drunk fun. ew at random scrags talking to mark. anyyyywayyyy! we walked a wasted val home, gave her advil, put her in bed, and went back to the shop. i was pretty bored by then because my drunk was wearing off. we left went to the gas station, got snacks, & came home to find val throwing up all over my floor. niceee. me, mark, val, and nicole all slept in the stinky room.

sunday i started work at 8am. i didn't get any sleep all night. luckily it was just orientation and we just watched videos for 3 hours. i found out its just seasonal, but i feel like that isn't going to be the job for me anyway. i just need some money until i find something better. it was alright i guess, no complaints here. i came home, pooped with mark & nicole, ate mc donalds, watched parental control, and slept the rest of the day. nicole went home, i cuddled with mark for a bit, then mark left and i had the worst stomach ache ever. i layed in bed for 15 minutes then my eyes rolled back, my head fell, and next thing i know it's 10am.

marks here. bye.

I don't think anybody really reads this anymore but it's time for an update anyway.

Things are going well. I quit Subway about 3 weeks ago and today I had an interview with Bath & Body Works and got the job an hour after the interview! I think it's only seasonal but I don't mind because it's just more experience and money for me.

Mark and I have never been better. A week from Sunday is our 9 month anniversary. We're almost in the double digits!
He's really my only friend these days. I have Nicole still but she's busy with school & work so we never really hang out. Then there's my sister who always gets home late now but it's all good. Speaking of which, Val, Nicole, and I are going to see Ima Robot this Friday. But yeah, Mark and I spend all of our free time together, but I'm not really complaining. :)

I still haven't signed up for school. I'm most likely going to go part-time. I don't know how I'm going to survive in the real world if I can't even figure out how to apply for college.

My pizza is beeping. Peace.

omg I haven't made a proper update in years.

I guess I should start with school. That's over in less than two months.
I'm supposed to get my cap and gown tomorrow but I'm not sure if I'm going to school. It's going to be super boring since seniors are just chillaxin in the gym all day.
My grandma, mom, and everybody else keep asking what I'm going to do after summers over. Truth is, I really don't know. I had my life mapped out up until now. All I have are second thoughts now. Life after graduation is going to be depressing, I know it.
Prom is in two weeks and I think I'm ready. I just need to find shoes and accessories. I really hope it's fun. I still don't know how to do my hair though :(
Help me pick a style 1, 2, or 3.

( Ima Robot 5/12/06 )
I also took a picture with Alex but I look like a fucking douche in that one. That was pretty much the greatest show I've ever been to. I like when hot men such as Alex sing to me.

Um, yeah. I don't know what else is going on in my life. I'm pretty boring.

Happy 2006! I started off 2006 not so good. I also missed the countdown :( hopefully 2006 will bring some good things, though.
New years eve was spent at home, Ikea, home, and then party at brenes. That was fun, once I got a little drunk haha.

I really don't know what to do about a certain boy anymore. He doesn't know how I feel so it's not like it's his fault. I just don't know if I should say something about it now or just keep my mouth shut because it's still kind of early and I don't know him well. khdsufhasughasg

As of lately, there's nothing but drama. It's not my drama but it feels like everyone I love is going through something different and it sahksss. Hopefully 2006 is good for them as well.

PS: birdsthatsing is the bestest friend everrrr. :) ♥